So Over It

I am so done with this year. 2014 has not been easy on us in many different ways. From employment, to housing, to tearing our little family apart, and friendships - I am just ready to move on to 2015. I am not sure if this is supposed to be a learning year for me or a reflection year, but I am exhausted. Just when I tell God I can't handle anymore, He says - sure you can, and proves it true.
In January Mac decided he wanted to go back to Vegas and live with Sutan. We were left to find a place to live. February was full of moving and down sizing. We were thankful to add two new 4 wheelers and a motorcycle to the collection. My sister also was able to come visit. The first part of this month, Q lost his job. Temp services make you so disposable. We do feel blessed in that he is now working for a dear friend and he is right here in Leeds. For Spring Break the kids went to Idaho. During that time I left my motorcycle club. I was overly emotional and taking everything to heart. I was seeing everything as an attack and left some friends that I had made. I was burned out. To make matters worse, when the kids got back from Idaho, they didn't want to stay back. Jaxan wanted to move up to Idaho and live with her dad and Stephanie. I finally allowed myself to cry. I knew once it started it wasn't going to stop for a long time. I probably cried for a good 3 hours yesterday. I packed their things and Stephanie came and got them. I didn't let the kids see me cry. I didn't want to know that the thing they thought would make them happy was going to devastate me. Stephanie came and got the kids. Q went to the cafe to make us dinner, and I cried and threw up. I felt like I was at rock bottom. No friends, no club, my family torn apart - okay God, I give.... I can't take anymore, lesson learned. Q talked to me about the kids and we decided it would be best to have them here until school is out. They can go for the summer, and if they want to stay for the school year, they can. Stephanie brought the kids back over to our house. Jaxan was angry and sad. She cried and cried. I believe I need to be a more proactive mom. I need to do more fun activities and crafts with the kids. We need to be more active as a family and do things. I need to snap myself out of this funk and stop being depressed. I am thankful God gave me a break and I am thankful He gave me enough to soften my heart and bring me to my senses, but not to destroy me. Now, I hope this year will start looking up!