Hope Endureth All Things

A turn of events has happened lately in our family that reminds me of where I was about 11 years ago. I was at a crossroads staring my future in the face. Questions plaged me and they had to be answered sooner, rather than later. Many things in life you can put off and deal with later, but addiction is not one of those things. I remember not wanting to get better. I liked the high that the addiction gave me. I liked the feeling of being in contol of something that was all mine. I like the sedated feeling the medication gave me. I look back now and think, wow I must have been so much fun to be around.
I recall my 21st birthday was spent in my bedroom by myself. My best friends came over and said hi but I didn't want to do anything. I know I was never my disorder but I let it run my life. It took over. It was my crutch, my excuse. It was my escape when things got rough. I never was strong enough to stand up and face my feelings and really feel them. It scared me to know that by going into The Center I would have to let go of everything I knew. What if I couldn't handle it? What if I didn't like what I felt? What if I couldn't learn a new way to deal with life? What if I screwed up when I came back out and relapsed? Anything was possible. Looking back now I wish I would have had more faith in my parents, my doctors, my team at The Center. I doubted so much I think it made my progress slow at first. I am not going to lie and say everything went perfect when I came out. It was scary. In there I felt like I could do anything. Then you get out and you don't have your entire cheerleading team behind you all the time. You have to learn to be your own cheerleader. That was hard. I relapsed a couple times. The tendensies still cross my mind every now and again. I have learned now, my life is not my own. People rely on me. People love me. People need me - especially my little kiddos. I fight to own my life and control my life every single day. It's a fight - it's worth it. I have found peace in music, friends, family, in my animals, in my bike, in sewing and diet coke. The point is I have found peace and I know it's possible. I look at where I was and where I am now and I am so thankful. Thankful for trials and tribulations. Thankful for the strength they have given me and the fact they have led me where I am today.

Zion Ride

Friday night we discovered a leak in our pipes. We weren't sure if we were going to to be able to go on our little get away for the weekend or not. We were able to get things under control and the plumber was scheduled to come over on Monday. Since it was a hot water leak we could just turn off the hot water and the leak dried up. We left Saturday afternoon and headed to Mesquite. We rode down on the Harley and by the time we got there we were so hot and drenched in sweat. We showered and headed over to the MMA fights. There was a booth that had Italian food so we got a little something to eat. It was AMAZING. I got fried ravioli . It was so good. You could totally tell it was my first time at the fights. I was cheering and yelling and screaming for my favorite people. It was so much fun. By the end of the night my voice was shot. 

We went to bed about 12:30 and my stomach was so upset. I didn't sleep well at all. I woke up at 4:30 and then by the time I was able to go back to sleep Q was waking me up saying we needed to get ready to head to Cedar. We got to Cedar and I was still super queezy. At breakfast I had soup and a little water. We all loaded up and hit the mountain. 

I loved the RADIO! 

The higher elevation and cooler air made me feel better, but as soon as we hit Panguitch I was feeling yucky again. 

It was freaking hot waiting in line for the tunnel. I am sure Q got tired of me whining about being hot. 

Ever wonder what a bunch of bikes sound like in a tunnel? Well wonder no more....

When we came down out of the park we stopped at Amigos and grabbed a bite to eat. I was still super nauseated. As we drove through Hurricane I started to get dizzy and light headed. I had Q stop at Lin's so I could puke. When we got home we both collapsed from being hot and tired. Monday I felt fine, but then Q started to feel yucky. I think maybe we had a little bug. Being hot and tired didn't make it any better. I am looking forward to the rides in the fall when it's cooler. 

I took the Rebel out today since I wasn't working. I ran out of gas.... whoops. 

Poor Purple Kitty

Purple Kitty's real name is Blu. Beckham loves the word purple so he calls her Purple Kitty. Jaxan loves to cuddle, squish, mush, hold, hug, kiss, and anything else she can do while holding the kitties. Blu handles it much better than Dallas so most of the time Jax has Blu. From the time she gets home from school she is rarely without a kitty in her hands. I must say she has come a long way from the days in Idaho where she would drag the kitty around by her tale. 

Movie Night

We were lucky and got to have Skyler last Friday night for a few hours. The girls made pizza for dinner and we watched Cars 2. 

Animals

The Zoo! Sabaka, Dallas, Bo Bo and Blu Purple Kitty - not pictured the two lizards, three kids and a partridge in a pear tree.

Geezer Glide - Yup we joined the Harley Gang

Well we are now part of the HOG. We own a HARLEY! I never thought Q would break and buy one, but he fell in love with the Geezer Glide. It is like the caddy of bikes. I guess if he is going to break and get a Harley he ought to go big. We love it. I don't like going slow because the vibration makes me back numb, but it is comfy. The kids all love it. We are taking it out this weekend for a ride. It should be a blast and I can't wait to see how it is on the highway. 

Yep, was having too much fun with the bike and I burned the cookies.

This is what they should have looked like. Sabaka and Jax like the burned ones.

Jaxi Starts First Grade

I can hardly believe my little Jaxi Bug is in FIRST GRADE! The girls and I went shopping last weekend for school items. Sky got a couple pairs of shoes and Jax got one pair of shoes. They each got some school supplies. Neither one of them needed any more clothes. We had a fun day out shopping together. My mom kept Brother so that it could be just us girls! Thanks Mom. 

I had to work the morning of Jaxi's first day of school. So she got to go to work with Q and he took her and met her teacher. She LOVES going to school all day. She has been so excited to go. Do you see that little face looking through the window? Yeah, he wants to go to school too. When we talk about anything sister has done, he says "me too". 

She picked out her Bieber Backpack herself. She loves it. We are working on her being an individual and not liking things just because someone else does. I want her to like things that she likes and do things because she likes them. We say things like, "we don't care if someone doesn't like it because we like it and that is what matters." I hope that is one thing we can accomplish this year.

Rebel Girl

I have been wanting to learn how to ride a motorcycle. They had a thing on the planet where you could learn with LaRae, but I wasn't ready. Q and I have been watching for little starter bikes. I couldn't find anything. The other day I was watching and went on KSL. This one was listed for $1000 and is just as it was when it was new in 1987. It is a 250 and just what I had been looking for. We offered them $600 and they took it. So Q drove up to Payson on Friday after work. He stayed until Sunday to see his friend Dan in the final MMA fight of his career. He took me out Sunday morning and taught me how to ride. 

I have a feeling me and this bike are going to be best buds!

The Not So Mild Hogs

Mika was playing in Mesquite with The Virgin River Band. Q and I wanted to go watch her. We thought why not get a group of friends to go down. We got a gang together and met up at Merts in Phoenix Plaza.

We drove right into a storm. We drove in and out of it a few times. We were all soaked by the end of the storm but it felt great by the time we got to the bottom of the mountain. 

The Not So Mild Hogs

We went and checked into our rooms and then all met at the Eureka for dinner. The food was great and the company was better. We rode the bikes back over to the Virgin River. We saw an area blocked off by cones that we swore they were holding just for us! Nice of them huh? We thought so. 

We went in and claimed our spot in the lounge. The security officers didn't like us moving tables and chairs. It made me laugh. They were trying to be super tough but as rent a cops, it didn't work. Finally we just moved to the back of the lounge and set up shop there. 

Q kept teasing Deborah and Perry about not being bikers. They went and got comfy before dinner. I think they were smart. We all had a blast dancing. 

Sharon lent her vest to Perry so he could be a biker too. This totally cracked me up.

Sharon went and got the security guards to take a picture with us. It was a crack up. These were not the ones that were helicoptering over us all night. These were the good sports.